


do this darkness in

by orphan_account



Category: From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Healing, Hopeful Ending, Season/Series 03 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-18 12:31:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9385343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “I meant what I said in that tunnel. The girl that I used to be? She’s long gone, Seth. You didn’t pull the trigger when you had the chance, but Amaru killed what was left of her.”“I don’t have faith in God, Kate. But I have faith in you.”Or: five moments with Kate Fuller, in the aftermath.(Post season three finale)





	

> “The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering.”
> 
> \- Ben Okri

**oo1.**

Kate’s eyes are dry and gritty, and she feels strangely cold despite the fact that she’s standing in some desert town in the middle of nowhere. Maybe, she muses, she’s cold because Amaru’s hatred is no longer burning her up from within. The spaces inside of her that were filled with the Queen of Xibalba are hollow now, and her own feelings are so distant. She knows that they’re _there_ , the anger and bitterness and hurt, but when she tries to hold on to them they slip through her fingers like smoke.

Seth and Richie’s footsteps, which had been moving farther away, halt abruptly.

“Kate – you coming?”

She flinches, not expecting the question, and turns towards the Gecko brothers.

“You don’t have to do this. I’m grateful for what you did today, but I’m not your responsibility.”

The months ahead will not be easy ones. Kate has seen things, has _done_ things, and she doesn’t know if she can learn to live with them. She doesn’t want to be a burden to those she cares about, and for better or for worse, she does care about these men. Somewhere inside of her, though, is the Kate Fuller who is still angry and betrayed, the Kate Fuller who spat a mouthful of venom at Scott and Richie in the same breath as she refused _their_ venom while she bled out all those months ago. That Kate isn’t sure if she even wants to be around the Gecko brothers right now. 

Seth strides towards her, stopping a few feet away. She can’t read his expression.

“Responsibility’s got nothing to do with it, princess,” he says gruffly. “We’re not leaving you stranded here. You literally just walked through Hell and back, for fuck’s sakes – let us help you.”

He extends a hand toward her, waiting for her to grasp it. She hesitates, unsure.

“ _Please_ , Kate.”

She takes his hand.

**oo2.**

Kate struggles to wake up when she feels two arms slide beneath her, one under her shoulders and one under her knees, but it feels like she’s swimming against the current. She is picked up and held against a warm, solid chest, and she smells gunpowder and sweat.

 _Seth_. His heartbeat is strong and steady beneath her ear.

“It’s okay, Kate. We’re just stopping at a motel – you’re in no shape for traveling right now.”

She reaches up with one hand to press it against his chest, despite her weariness, and responds, “Seth, I’m fine, I’m awake. Put me down.”

He does so reluctantly, clenching his jaw. Kate quickly finds that she’s unsteady on her feet, though, and Seth wraps an arm around her waist, grumbling about her stubbornness all the while. Her lips twitch upwards in a small, weak smile, and then Richie appears as if from nowhere, dangling a set of key cards in front of them.

“Could only get us one room with two double beds, brother.”

“We’ll make do,” Seth says as they walk towards their room.

Kate barely notices anything about it in her exhaustion, but she feels a sudden, powerful urge to strip out of her clothes and wash the day – wash these _months_ – from her skin. It’s too bad she can’t wash them from her soul, she reflects with a bitter laugh.

“What’s so funny?” asks Seth, leading her towards the bed farthest from the door.

“Just before my daddy died – before I _killed_ him – I told him that God doesn’t live on the pages of some book,” she chokes out in response. “Now I’m not so sure that He lives anywhere.”

“ _Kate_ …” Seth murmurs, his breath hitching. She sees Richie flinch out of the corner of her eye.

Her eyes are watering and she can feel something bubbling up in her chest – is it a laugh, or a scream? She can’t remember the last time she laughed. The memory of the last time she screamed, on the other hand, is painfully fresh. It burns. _Xibalba burns._

She stumbles towards the bathroom door, stuttering, “Can I – I need to –”

“Go ahead, Kate. I’m gonna run out and get us all some clothes and food,” Richie says gently.

Seth just stares at her for a long moment, brow furrowed, before nodding his head and saying, “Just…please, don’t lock the door. In case you… in case you need anything.”

Kate whispers a soft “okay” before stepping into the bathroom and closing the door behind her. As soon as it it shuts all the way, she begins to rip off her dirty leather clothes – _Amaru’s_ clothes – with shaking hands, her movements frantic but efficient. Stripped down to her skin, she looks at her reflection in the mirror and doesn’t recognize the girl staring back at her. Who is this girl with tangled red hair, dark, smudged make-up, and scared eyes? Is this who Kate Fuller is now?

She turns away from the mirror with a quiet keen, feeling as though she will come out of her own skin at any moment. She steps into the shower and blasts the hot water. Pressing her hands to the wall on either side of the shower-head, Kate watches as the water runs off of her body, colored red and brown by blood and dirt. She washes with the cheap motel shampoo and soap, and finally turns the shower off when her skin is red and raw from scrubbing. The stinging pain from her cuts and bruises doesn’t bother her – in some sick, strange way, it feels _good_ , like a painful and necessary reminder that her body is her own once more.

When she steps out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, Seth and Richie are waiting for her, seated on the bed closest to the door. There are plastic bags full of clothes and toiletries between them. Kate presses a hand to the door jamb to support herself as she’s suddenly overcome by an exhaustion that feels bone-deep. Seth leaps up to help her, guiding her to what she assumes is her bed.

As Kate sits down and Seth kneels on the carpet in front of her, tears begin to slip from her eyes.

“Hey, talk to me,” Seth croons, looking pained.

“I’m j-just so _t-tired_ ,” Kate sobs. “I just w-want to s-sleep, I don’t want to be _a-afraid_ anymore!”

“Fuck, _Kate_ ,” Seth breathes, his voice cracking. How strange, she thinks, that her pain should cause him pain in turn.

His big, warm hands come up to cradle her face, thumbs brushing away her tears. “I’m gonna take care of you, sweetheart.”

“We both will,” says Richie, reaching into the bags beside him and retrieving what looks like plain, comfortable shorts and a t-shirt, make-up remover, a hairbrush, and first aid supplies. Kate chokes back another sob, surprised at the thoughtfulness of this man who walked out of the gates of Hell by her side.

With her approval, the boys gently help Kate to dress in her new clothes, wash her face, and care for her wounds. There is nothing sexual about their care, but it is intimate in a way that Kate has never before experienced, and certainly never expected to experience with the Gecko brothers, of all people. Afterwards, the brothers take turns in the shower themselves, never leaving Kate alone. When they’re both clean and Seth and Kate have eaten, Richie steps out to look for his own dinner. 

Seth sits on one of the beds and pulls Kate to settle between his legs, slowly and tenderly brushing and braiding her wet hair. There is no trace of the angry, hurting Seth she saw in the tunnel today as he murmurs gentle and soothing words in her ear. Her eyes flutter closed, and she finally feels some small measure of peace.

She sleeps for three days.

**oo3.**

Kate wails, struggling wildly against the chains binding her hands and feet. In front of her are Scott, Seth and Richie, Freddie, Maggie and Billy, and even Kisa. They are husks, drained of all their life by the Queen of Xibalba. Their plan has failed, and the gateway to Hell has been opened – all because she was too weak.

“Where is your precious God now, little girl?” Amaru sneers, stepping over the bodies of Kate’s loved ones.

The gate is open and there are demons everywhere and Kate is screaming and people are dying and the world is _burning –_

“Kate. Kate! _Katie, wake up!_ ”

She comes up swinging.

Kate pushes Seth away and runs to the bathroom, where she heaves into the toilet, throwing up the little food she’d been able to stomach for supper. Seth follows her in and kneels beside her, using one hand to hold her hair out of her face and the other to rub her back.

“You’re okay, Kate. It was just a dream,” he says.

She spits the last of the bile from her mouth and wipes at her face with a trembling hand. “She showed me what she wanted to do to our world,” she whispers. “When she wasn’t using my body to hurt other people, she was trying to break me. She showed me so many awful things.”

She shrugs out of Seth’s hold and stands up, walking over to the sink to rinse out her mouth. “I meant what I said in that tunnel. The girl that I used to be? She’s long gone, Seth. You didn’t pull the trigger when you had the chance, but Amaru killed what was left of her.”

Kate feels a sudden warmth at her back, and when she looks up at the mirror, Seth is standing behind her, his gaze piercing. In that moment, she feels like he can see right through her.

“I’ve fucked up about a thousand different ways when it comes to you, Kate, and I’m so fucking sorry for all of them, but I’m _not_ sorry that I didn’t put a bullet in you. No way in hell I was gonna do that once I realized you were still in there, still fighting her,” he says, his voice quiet but fierce. “I won’t pretend that I know or understand what you’ve been through. But you say that the girl you used to be is gone, and I think that the most important parts of her are the ones that made you strong enough to beat that fucking monster. 

The thing is – the thing is, I don’t have faith in God, Kate. But I have faith in you.”

Kate feels her heart crack in two, and then finally begin to heal, like a broken bone that mends wrong and needs to be broken again to knit back together the right way. She spins around and wraps her arms in a vice grip around Seth’s waist, and he holds her back just as tightly.

“I’m still angry with you. And Richie. And Scott,” she whispers after a few minutes, pulling back just enough to rest her forehead against Seth’s.

“I know.”

“I’m working on that.”

“Ain’t even a priority, Katie. You’ve got plenty of good reasons to be pissed at us. The most important thing right now is you,” he murmurs, pressing closer to her with the uncharacteristic gentleness that she has been seeing more and more of from Seth Gecko in the past few weeks.

“I don’t want to be angry anymore, Seth, it’s exhausting. And I feel like I don’t have much of a leg to stand on right now anyways, considering what Amaru did to you while she was in my body. I don’t know how you can even look at me most days,” Kate admits, pulling back and wrapping her arms around herself.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I know for damn sure that Richie and I don’t blame you for anything that bitch did while she was riding in your body,” Seth says, turning Kate to face him with a gentle hand on her chin. “It wasn’t _you_ , Kate. I saw how hard you were fighting her.”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever feel like it was enough,” she replies, the thoughts she’s been keeping to herself finally spilling out of her in a torrent. “She used me to do horrible, evil things. She showed me the darkness that I carry inside of me, and I – I don’t know how to _live_ with that, Seth. I’m not, I’m not _blaming_ you, but if you’d taken me out when you had the chance –”

“Hey, _no_ , you listen to me, Kate,” Seth snaps, cutting her off. “I told you. The moment I knew you were still in there, that solution became _unacceptable_ , you hear me? Jesus Christ, Katie. When Richie told me you’d died all those months ago, I felt fucking gutted, felt like I’d _failed_ you. Then I finally get you back, just to have to let you walk through the gates of Hell? That was _my_ hell.”

“ _Seth_ , what are you –”

“I’m not losing you again. You think you have darkness inside you? We all do. I’ve seen and done a lot of bad shit, met a lot of bad people, and I promise you, you’re one of the good ones. So good that even the Queen of Hell herself was afraid of you,” he replies. “I’m not telling you that you can’t feel what you’re feeling – Christ knows I’m not the poster boy for mental health and quality coping mechanisms – but we’re gonna get through this, okay? Together.”

Kate looks into his eyes for a long moment, at the determination she can see in his furrowed brow and clenched jaw, before finally saying, “Things do seem to go to shit when we’re apart, don’t they?”

Seth smiles, so beautiful and genuine that it takes her out at the knees, then quips, “What are you, fucking swearing now? That the new Kate Fuller? You’ll fit right in with the Gecko brothers.”

Most of the days she spent in Mexico with Seth on their so-called ‘Mexican honeymoon’ were bad ones. She was grieving, mourning the loss of her only remaining family and of the life she’d known, and trying to keep the one person she had left from dying from a drug overdose or from a reckless disregard for his own safety. Still, in those three months there were a few good days, one of which happened not long before they went their separate ways.

That night, they had both managed to be in a good mood at the same time. Kate had only half-jokingly attributed it to divine intervention intended to keep one of them from strangling the other in their sleep. She and Seth tested their Spanish while watching telenovelas, which all went downhill when they started competing to see who could invent the most elaborate and ridiculous translations. They ate chilaquiles and drank agua frescas and Kate laughed so hard her stomach ached.

Sitting beside the man she loves, she laughs for the first time since then.

**oo4.**

In the months since Amaru’s defeat, Kate and Scott have kept in touch, although it took some time for one of them to reach out and break the silence that fell between them when they went their separate ways. To Kate’s surprise, and shame, it was Scott who first contacted her from Texas while she was still struggling to make sense of her own conflicted emotions. The process of mending that relationship went a little something like this: awkward silences and treading lightly around each other, then accusations and screaming and tears, and finally, hard-fought and hard-won reconciliation.

They’ve made plans to meet in person for the first time since things literally went to Hell and back. In the days leading up to their meeting, Kate worries that all of her feelings of resentment and anger will be stirred up at the sight of Scott, that all of the painfully honest conversations they’ve had will amount to nothing. She’s relieved to find that her fears are unfounded; when she sees her little brother’s face, the only thing she feels is joy, and when she holds him in her arms, the only thing she feels is love.

They talk long into the night, re-learning each other by dusting off the fragments of their shared past that they want to, or have to, hold onto, but also pasting those fragments together with the new and vulnerable pieces of their changed selves, until they at last have full pictures of the other. Those pictures might look like ugly jigsaw puzzles to some, full of stitches and scars and pain, but Kate and Scott – they see each other as mosaics, beautiful works of art made up of the many and varied pieces that have come through the fire. Their bond, too, has been tested in the fire of their tribulations, but a new one has been forged, stronger than ever. 

Tonight, Kate can feel it in her bones, how fiercely she loves this young man.

“My offer from before still stands, you know? You could always come with me. You don’t have to stay with – with _Seth_ and _Richie_.”

As far as she and Scott have come, the same can’t be said for how he feels about the Gecko brothers. Scott worked with them when the goal was to save Kate, but he’s admitted to her that he still holds a grudge against them for everything the Fullers have been through, everything they’ve lost. She can’t hold that against him, not when she shared many of his feelings not so long ago, but…

“That means so much to me, Scott. I love you for wanting to look after me, but staying with them, it’s not a matter of _having_ to do anything. When I left that desert behind after killing Amaru, I thought I would never be happy again. I thought I would never be _anything_ again, Scott. I felt so cold, so empty,” Kate admits. “And when the feelings did come back, a lot of them were ugly and painful. I was angry at you, at Seth and Richie, at _myself_ – I felt like I’d lost my way, and if I could just get all those feelings out, I would be able to find myself again. And I don’t know how or why, but Seth and Richie stuck with me through all of it. Through bad days and worse nights, through the awful, hurtful things I said to them.

I’m not saying that they’re perfect – they’re far from it. And it’s true, we probably wouldn’t have gotten involved in any of this culebra business if they hadn’t taken us hostage, but Scott, just like you and I aren’t the same kids we were back at the Twister, Seth and Richie aren’t the same people either. There’s real good in them, I see it every day. And I’ve forgiven them, just like I’m learning to forgive _myself_. I promise you, I’m where I want to be.”

“I guess I just want you to know that you have options, Kate,” Scott says, his tone serious. “I just – after everything you’ve been through, I just want you to be happy. I just want you to be _okay_. Are you?”

Kate takes a moment to pull her thoughts together, because Scott asking this question, what her answer is, it _matters_. She doesn’t just want to placate him. They’ve rebuilt their relationship from the ashes by being honest and compassionate with each other, embracing the values taught to them by their parents – and Kate wants to be true to that in this moment, too.

“Some days are better than others, and I don’t think that will ever change. There are days when I’m angry at God for abandoning me when I needed Him, and there are days where I don’t believe in Him at all. There are days when I don’t have the strength to get out of bed, and days when I can’t look at my own reflection without seeing _her_ staring back at me. But all the time, there are more and more good days, and…I never thought I’d have those again,” she finally answers, a small, but true, smile on her face.

“Well, if those two have anything to do with you having good days, I guess I can put up with them,” Scott concedes, raising his hands in a gesture of surrender. Kate laughs and teasingly nudges her brother’s foot with her own. They look at each other with matching, silly smiles, and this – this is one of Kate’s good days.

Eventually, they say their good-byes and go their separate ways once more, Scott to his band, and Kate to the car where Seth is waiting to pick her up. She slides into the passenger seat and waits for Seth to make some teasing, derogatory comment about her brother’s “weird, Jesus-freak noise, Kate, I bet their shows are like a fucking cult meeting –” but the first few minutes of the drive back to their hotel room are filled with a strange, tense silence.

When she can’t take it anymore, Kate shifts in her seat to look at Seth and and tries to gauge his mood, but she doesn’t know what to make of his white knuckles, hands tight on the steering wheel, and his clenched jaw.

“You’re being really quiet, Seth. Is everything okay? Is Richie fine? We didn’t get, like, a supernatural 9-1-1 call from Freddie, did we?” she finally asks, feeling pulled into the anxiety he’s radiating from the driver’s seat.

“No, Jesus, it’s – everyone’s fine, Kate, it’s nothing,” Seth answers, but his grip on the steering wheel gets even tighter.

“Something is obviously wrong, and we don’t bullshit each other anymore, that’s the deal. Pull over,” Kate demands. Seth, remembering the last time she made that request, does so quickly, but he won’t look at her after he puts the car in park.

“Seth, just talk to me,” Kate says softly, reaching out and slowly, gently, pulling his fingers off the steering wheel so she can clasp his hands in hers.

Seth seems to ignore her for a moment, his gaze focused on where her small, pale hands are holding his larger, rougher ones. He exhales shakily before looking up at her and finally saying, “If you want to leave and be with Scott now, Richie and I would understand. He’s your family.”

Kate is floored. _This_ is what has Seth so worked up? Why does he think she wants to leave them? She’s so shocked, she doesn’t notice the heavy silence that fills the space between them until Seth pulls his hands back and turns his face away from her, and she swears she can _see_ the walls going back up, the feelings being suppressed, and that just won’t do.

“Seth,” she murmurs, placing her hands on his face to turn it back towards her. “Look at me.”

He does, and she takes a moment to admire the curve of his cheekbones beneath her thumbs, the sweep of his sooty lashes, and the vulnerability in his beautiful brown eyes.

“Scott is my brother, and I miss him every day. But you and Richie, you’re my family too, and as long as you’ll have me, I’m staying,” Kate says firmly. She takes a deep breath and then says, her voice less steady but somehow no less certain:

“I love you, Seth.”

“ _Kate._ ” He breathes her name like the sweetest prayer, looks at her like she’s something holy.

“I love you too.”

She laughs, joy singing through her veins, and presses her lips to Seth’s in a warm, gentle kiss. She can feel him smile, and it’s strange and wonderful and she thinks she’ll never get enough of it, enough of him. She plans to spend the rest of her life finding out.

**oo5.**

Kate ends the video call with a click, feeling emotionally drained, but lighter, as she always does. Her sessions with Dakota McGraw-Block are often challenging, but with a doctor who is aware of the supernatural, and who has managed to be both professional and compassionate despite her continued resentment of the Gecko brothers, Kate has found a safe space to continue untangling the knots inside of her, bit by bit, day by day. She is more grateful to Freddie than she’ll ever be able to say for his kind, concerned words the day he gave her Dakota’s contact information.

Sometimes, her progress feels painfully slow. She still has nightmares, and she will always remember the faces of the people Amaru killed using her hands. It’s a pain she’s learning to live with, though, a burden she’s learning to bear. Seth and Richie have played a significant part in the process too, providing her with shoulders to cry on or pushing her harder, _forward_ , when she doesn’t feel she has the strength, knowing with unerring certainty which she needs at any given time.

Stepping out of her and Seth’s bedroom, Kate wanders, feet bare, towards the patio doors at the back of house. She can see Seth standing out on the beach – while Richie is sleeping, given that it’s the height of the afternoon, Seth has vacated the house to give her privacy during her therapy session.

She walks out to meet him, lacing the fingers of her right hand with his left one without a word and resting her head on his shoulder. He turns to press a kiss to her hair, and doesn’t ask her about her session. He never does, knowing that she’ll share what she wants to with him when she’s comfortable and ready. His quiet support gives her strength.

Here on this beach, where she can smell the salt of the ocean, hear the sound of the waves lapping at the shore, and feel the warmth of the sun on her face and the sand between her toes and Seth’s hand in hers, Kate has a sense of comfort, of _peace_ , greater than any she has ever known. Tomorrow, they have a bank heist to plan, but tomorrow is another day. 

Today – today is a _good_ day. She cherishes each and every one of them.

 

 

 


End file.
